this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
I bet they don't have a scenario slide on how to deal with a suggested three way with counsel during harassment training.
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
Randomize
