Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
Need sex. Gaining weight.
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
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