We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
