yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
Randomize
