The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
Randomize
