so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
Randomize
