yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
Randomize
