I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
Randomize
