ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
Randomize
