I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
Randomize
