I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
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