hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
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