Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
Randomize
