I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
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