she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
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