Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
Randomize
