We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
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