captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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