How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
Randomize
