I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
Randomize
