wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
Randomize
