I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
I lost the right to judge tonight
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
Randomize
