it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
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