Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
Randomize
