He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
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