it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
Randomize
