make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
I need a burrito and a hug.
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
Randomize
