Thanks for last night it was amazing as always
What are you talking about
You've got to be kidding me
He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
Randomize
