You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Randomize
