handjob tips. give me some.
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
PANTIES FOUND
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