if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
Randomize
