So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
Randomize
