Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
Randomize
