The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
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