respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
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