I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
Randomize
