At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Randomize
