why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
Randomize
