hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
Randomize
