Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
Randomize
