You hook up with other guys, let him talk to other girls.
no
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
Randomize
