My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
Randomize
