His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
Randomize
