I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
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