if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize
