guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
Randomize
