You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
Randomize
