OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
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