Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
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