He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
Randomize
